Me now vs me in 5 years
I am a fifth semester college student and currently I am receiving a full scholarship for pursuing my tertiary education. This scholarship is from Putera Sampoerna Foundation. I am living in a boarding house near my campus so it is very easy for me to go to the campus everyday. I am so grateful for everything I have got until now but I still have some dreams that I have not achieved yet. Having my own clothing label before I graduate college, attending pesantren while still going to the campus are the top two of my countless dreams.
Since I was young, I used to draw everything everyday: simple clothes design, people’s faces, nature’s view, etc. As I grew up, I found myself not really into drawing anymore and it is mostly because I do not know which time of my days I can use to be able to express myself through drawing. It is true that now I am not asking for money from my parents anymore as I have got mine from the scholarship, but even so, I am fully aware that I need to make my own living because I cannot only count on the scholarship and I think doing what I like will be a lot easier for me therefore I want to make my own clothing label.
Besides having my own clothing label, I am currently in a dilemma: whether I should go to a pesantren or not. Not saying this to be considered religious but I really feel that now I am not close to Allah anymore. I often forget to do the five obligatory prayers, or maybe I do them but not punctually, I rarely read the Quran, seldom do the dzikir, and all those things really make sad. I am aware, but I cannot change those negative things. As I keep thinking about it, I think I need to be in an environment who can encourage me to change and that environment should be a pesantren. But if I go to the pesantren, I have to leave the choir clubs which I really love doing them. This is a non ending dilemma and I have been thinking about it for two months or so.
Looking at my current self, I think I really need to start doing things to make a big chance for me myself because in five years, I want to be able to do the pilgrimage with my family with my own money. In five years, I want to be a teacher who is able to understand and help my students. A teacher who does really care about what students need. A woman who is able to bring her family closer to Allah, who is able to give and do good deeds for her and anyone around her: a better Fadila who creates Joys. In 5 years, I want to have my own school too. Thus, I need to start changing myself: no more being lazy, procrastinating, self awareness, and start getting closer to Allah. Because without Him, every dreams I want will never be.
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